DE-Happinated

Is it still lying on my window parapet? How do I skim the dead crow chic off the hot concrete slab? Is there a long rod or what if it falls off from the 8^th floor. It’s so disturbing. What do I do? What do I do? Psst…. Just wake up!!!! Grrrrr.. Another weird lurid dream. Arrgggghhh!!! But the crow was still blaring my ears. My sleep broke. I sneak-peaked through my window pane. The spy-crow was keeping an eye on all my moves in here. It planned each wing flutter to make me more and more irate.

 

An afternoon nap was expected to be more refreshing like a caffeine power nap or something. But turns out the universe conspires when I have plans to get comfy. The Viking bike riders club of college kids, downstairs. They rightly plan their fun practice when I am plugged in for recharge. That’s why I said, “Conspiracy”.

What was the other option here? After a fight, it’s a healthy habit to go to sleep. Believe me, it works 9 out of 10 times.

Benefits: (1) Erases your relative cache memory and reloads clean fresh pages. (2) The body temperature comes at par with the room temperature. (3) You tend to maintain your body weight by eating less.

This time “SHE” did it again. Yea. That’s my mom. Now that I am miles apart, the age old custom of WWF championship has to still go on. And once the match fires up, we both have our fluids boil up and pressure cook our brains.

“Bobby [dats wat she calls me], can’t you act your age? You are not a kid anymore. When are you gonna learn to be responsible and be mature. Huh.. is this how I raised you?” … There goes… Know what!! The level of maturity in the contents of the dialogues change occasionally. “Bobby, don’t act like you are my mother. You are still not matured enough to take such huge decisions without consulting your elders. Your life has just started and you already feel that you have experienced all of it. No. Very bad…” and goes on.

 

Why is it like that all the time? I have a stuffy head now. Grrrr…. Every time I have a stuffy head, I just wanted to shun myself off the world with the show curtains down and in contrary mom would want to dig into her wardrobe with all the festival lighting in the room. Can you believe it? The washing machine and the bath schedules are just Mom’s alibi to her ‘How are you now?’ concern.

 [Now] (Eyes rolling)..Now who does that!! Oh.. I have cob webs in my room. Just noticed. :S. I have to pull those things off the ceiling and clean up. Hhmm.. Bad that I don’t get paid for this own house cleaning job anymore. Yea. I used to get 10 bucks a week for keeping the house clean. It includes mopping the place and washing the prayer lamp. My mom, my first employer. She was a tough task master. Inspections and yelling comes along as a free gift. But I earned quite well. :D. I almost earned 1000 bucks by working on extra tasks too. ;)

But the employer had money borrowing issues. “Bobby, you have so much money kept dead. That’s hoarding. Lend your money for an interest of 10 bucks per 100, it will earn you a sum and you don’t have to do a thing”. Fell for it most of the time. Man, these kinda employers are real cunning. [Sob]. I have been very particular about keeping the green very safe since then. :P that’s how you learn ‘how to save’.

  

 

[Coming back to now] So as I was saying, she just has to clear her quota of roaring at me once a week, to be precise. Oh no. I am not taking that. [Flashback] Matt always was allowed to pedal 3 kilometers in the evening for the local cricket county. “Bobby, you are a girl and girls don’t roam around places in the evenings. Are you out of your mind? You are not going out alone in the dark, not now, not never. End of discussion”. Oh yea. See, don’t you think that it is a clear case of favouritism to Matt.

[Again coming back to now] I am bed-ridden with something that ‘flu’ through me and she calls up after an hour from the usual time. I know that I shouldn’t expect a lot. I can see the evident changes here n there. The frequency of the calls have now come down to 2 calls and another when disaster strikes, from the usual 3 calls a day and 5 or 6 during crisis. You can understand where I am coming from on this point, right?

[Somewhere in the Recent Past] “Is that what you wear to shopping? The denim pants are so skinny and Bobby your thighs are fat for your frame”. L. I am not a fatty, believe me. Know what..!! [School days] I was fed the idea that I am a stunning female and I shouldn’t be out in attractive attires or else it will catch the attention of normal public [guys to be specific]. I had the privilege of wearing the only very pretty long skirt to high school. I was identified as the “mini skirt girl”. And it went well with those binocular lenses. Matt: the legal cum technical cum social cum what not advisor to mom for all my youthful horrors.

[Childhood memories] Yea. Having a sweetened big brother can be sweeter than a compulsory school sport of squelching a bag of lemons by yourself. Oh yea. I remember all those toffies which he ate all by himself. Not even one, hasn’t he shared. He was so fond of food that he encouraged my disgust for home-cooked food, so that he could dive into my meal plate without playing pranks on me. Mom still complains to guests about the showcase mirror that I broke and of which I have been a scapegoat. I had no choice. Or else he would have told mom, about the episode of mom’s favourite wrist watch that fell in the toilet. In life you sometimes become so hostage to the wicked goblins. And how I can I forget his best: The Red bicycle riding hood. That is where you get to ride the bicycle through your lil’ sister’s chest. I clearly doubt his defence that he didn’t see me fall down when I was being chased.

“No way you are going tuitions with this guy. I don’t think his intentions are good….” Contd… “Bobby, you cant stay on phone for that long. Are you guys trying to resolve gulf war?”… “Friends always deceive.. never trust friends..” ..contd… “Promise me that you will never fall for some guy and put your family values on the line”.. Friends deceive??? I spend more time with them than I do with family. Yea. I get hurt and we fight and we break our friendships, but we have a choice. And about guys… A girl has to end up with the right guy for a life time. So she should know how a bad relationship looks like. Shouldn’t she. These were my defences. Didn’t work well for her though.

[My Teenage mutiny] Mom’s brain waves: “I think the compound wall should be raised 2 feet higher so that passers-by don’t take the pain to sneak into our living room”. Yep. It was done in a couple of weeks’ time.

[Now] (sob sob ngheee ngheee) she should have called me on time right. I am still furious. I am not going to apologize for what I said. I am clear in my mind that I am being sidestepped by her. She understandably should have thought that, like Matt, I don’t get to enjoy her food all week long, and that I don’t get to be checked out on my temperature during the long lonely day hours. Isn’t that mean? And that…. [ti nini tini ting.. my phone rings… mom’s personalized ring tone]… Awwww… she calls again… [I answer after 3 consecutive calls]. I speak: “Yea. Was sleeping.. you know that I hate hospitals.. then again why do you have to …

 

[and the argument continues].

 

 

The Big "BANG BANG BANG" Theory

When is my bus coming.? Grrrrr… its too hot here… and I am tired standing for this long…. Usually it’s never this late. Ohhh!!!.. Now the bus is going to be stuffy and bombarded. Aaarrrgghhhh!!!

 

“Hey…. It’s you…Oh dear.. It has been years since we met. Where are you know? “ I somehow wanted the bus to arrive so that I could escape from the Terrorist Attack. It was my college mate Annie [Annoy as I would call her]. She loved pouring hot charcoal into the combustion engine.

[3 years ago the same situation, place and person]

I passed a smile and gave answers to all her interrogation questions. She kept on bragging about how beautiful her life is with her kids and her loving husband and her new job. Good..! Happy for you sweetie!!

“Aren’t you getting married?”, “Are you joining the convent?”, “Aren’t you ashamed of staying single for this long?”.

Not a word fabricated. These were what she were coming to.

 

It’s quite natural that human character is compounded with an ingredient of curiosity, in different ratios in each human being. But when the ratio goes in high levels, the ingredient proves to show blotches and irritation to other life forms, usually of the same species.

Staying single and ashamed!! That’s the worst combination that goes along. Single implies, you are open to more options :D and moreover, you are in the jealous eyes of all “unhappily married with kids” couples.. :P:P:P. Strange but true. Back home, in the bus, “Annoy” ate a major portion of my ear wax and brain fluids. Man!!! She is such a pain in the A**. [Had to use the slang, sorry]. I bet everybody has come across such Annoys, in their lives here and there :D.

“Psst… It is not that I hate guys. ;)… I actually loved to be in the world of love, holding hands with the very special man. Even when I do the dumbest, he would stand by me and simply adore my looks, secretly. Would kiss me everyday, and say that he loves me and lift me up in the air and dance in happiness. It would all be so colourful and soft and what all is romantic called. Know what..!! I even had a background track for when he comes and takes me, with him, on the horseback. |D |D B). [Lallala lala lallala lala…] kheekheekhee..  AAhhh [sigh]…

But reality shows you the black and white picture most of the time, aint it? There was no perfect Zorro Hero that came across. The “HE” I looked for in every so called “Interesting” guy, was so missing.

 Scene:1 It seemed as though I could see the whole world around in High Definition.  I planted my eyes on the walkway of the class 10. It struck 9 and there he was. Deep brown curls and a pink smile. To add on was a red tika on his forehead. More days of watching passed by but sooner a stroll in the school ground against each other and an accidental hand rub. OMG! It burnt my fingers or did it melt my brains. I confess that I didn’t wash my palm that whole day. Turns out he had a shot with another hot babe. “TRRRKKKLLL PRRRKKKLLL CCCRRRACCCKKLLLEEE”… I think that was how it sounds when heart breaks. That was just a start for a 13 year old.

Scene:2 Programming was seeding in generosity wherein I couldn’t think of any better idea than turn around. There he was, in the off-white kurta, he looked soooper cool. My neck unknowingly turned around and eyes leaped over to the new choco crunch I could wish for. Our eyes met in every pillar and stair ways of the atrium. His eyes locked my sight too. It felt as though he was waiting for me at the college gate to recommend an opening for a cutie cuddly girlfriend position. Suddenly my already-planned plan rang a bell. Being a programmed girlfriend for the fine guy was too much to take on to my graduation plate. I turned away my face and walked past him. And that was it.

Further Scenes: So apparently it turned out to be Mr. charming might just last for a week until I get to have an argument on either, sharing tasks, or food factors, or just how much he is into current affairs. (yuckhhh!!!!). Guys look too attractive only when seen from a distance, and some more when it is mutual. :P :P :P. But once the talking starts and gets to a level of heya.. seeya!!!

 

There are theories I formulated for holding your instincts.

1.       If you are still single, God is searching for the perfect person for you. That means, you are special. All those who are in a hurry to cuddle, let them feed their hunger… :P :P :P

2.       There is no bad or good people. People are just like magnets. They sometimes show exactly that side on you, which repels. So just either wait for it, OR just turn around and search for “THE” magnet.

3.       The “Special Someone” is not just somebody to fill a position of ‘SPOUSE”.

These theories are here not because I followed it, it just means that I have been into deeper shi*. :P.

Anyways, that doesn’t matter anymore. But as I was saying, when time comes, you would know. Speak, talk, meet people. Understand their words. Display yourself. Do not try to be another person. Just be you.

Scene 5 years back: One glance through the hall way. A surprising indirect “will you marry my friend?” note from my boss followed. Thankyous and Festival wishes just flowed through the office communicator but I still clung on to thumbs down. I ran through the stair way to hide him but got caught at the lift entrance. He unwound his crumbled heart and left heartbroken another time. That one time I wanted to say “yes”. A seeding sprout up and I had to have faith in my intuitions and “We Spoke”. That one moment in life, when you feel alive – I had my “that” moment.

Before the talk

After the talk
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I admit that I had a template for the perfect man in my life. At first it were the looks, the fair soft face and tall frame, but gradually I felt that it more fits into the feminine template. The dark and handsome impressed. Long hair, pierced ears, tattoos, all of it. A prospective fashion columnist can crush on those wilds. Hhmm… shouldn’t that sound okish to mom too. Naah. The “Not a good idea” struck me in another 2 or 3 years. But I dunno, I never could fall for a fat belly.

Anyhow, I have a secret fascination for a fair soft face teddy with a cushion belly. Aawwww… It caught my sight and it has a special hard-drive with all my teeny-weeny details and programmed just to like me and make me cozy. I browsed through its softwares and to my biggest happiness was the “Make Me Happy” program. I just wanted to shout out loud – “OS upgraded”. World was spinning hard and I see only colours everywhere.

PS: The plum-pillow really works – True story ;)