DE-Happinated

Is it still lying on my window parapet? How do I skim the dead crow chic off the hot concrete slab? Is there a long rod or what if it falls off from the 8^th floor. It’s so disturbing. What do I do? What do I do? Psst…. Just wake up!!!! Grrrrr.. Another weird lurid dream. Arrgggghhh!!! But the crow was still blaring my ears. My sleep broke. I sneak-peaked through my window pane. The spy-crow was keeping an eye on all my moves in here. It planned each wing flutter to make me more and more irate.

 

An afternoon nap was expected to be more refreshing like a caffeine power nap or something. But turns out the universe conspires when I have plans to get comfy. The Viking bike riders club of college kids, downstairs. They rightly plan their fun practice when I am plugged in for recharge. That’s why I said, “Conspiracy”.

What was the other option here? After a fight, it’s a healthy habit to go to sleep. Believe me, it works 9 out of 10 times.

Benefits: (1) Erases your relative cache memory and reloads clean fresh pages. (2) The body temperature comes at par with the room temperature. (3) You tend to maintain your body weight by eating less.

This time “SHE” did it again. Yea. That’s my mom. Now that I am miles apart, the age old custom of WWF championship has to still go on. And once the match fires up, we both have our fluids boil up and pressure cook our brains.

“Bobby [dats wat she calls me], can’t you act your age? You are not a kid anymore. When are you gonna learn to be responsible and be mature. Huh.. is this how I raised you?” … There goes… Know what!! The level of maturity in the contents of the dialogues change occasionally. “Bobby, don’t act like you are my mother. You are still not matured enough to take such huge decisions without consulting your elders. Your life has just started and you already feel that you have experienced all of it. No. Very bad…” and goes on.

 

Why is it like that all the time? I have a stuffy head now. Grrrr…. Every time I have a stuffy head, I just wanted to shun myself off the world with the show curtains down and in contrary mom would want to dig into her wardrobe with all the festival lighting in the room. Can you believe it? The washing machine and the bath schedules are just Mom’s alibi to her ‘How are you now?’ concern.

 [Now] (Eyes rolling)..Now who does that!! Oh.. I have cob webs in my room. Just noticed. :S. I have to pull those things off the ceiling and clean up. Hhmm.. Bad that I don’t get paid for this own house cleaning job anymore. Yea. I used to get 10 bucks a week for keeping the house clean. It includes mopping the place and washing the prayer lamp. My mom, my first employer. She was a tough task master. Inspections and yelling comes along as a free gift. But I earned quite well. :D. I almost earned 1000 bucks by working on extra tasks too. ;)

But the employer had money borrowing issues. “Bobby, you have so much money kept dead. That’s hoarding. Lend your money for an interest of 10 bucks per 100, it will earn you a sum and you don’t have to do a thing”. Fell for it most of the time. Man, these kinda employers are real cunning. [Sob]. I have been very particular about keeping the green very safe since then. :P that’s how you learn ‘how to save’.

  

 

[Coming back to now] So as I was saying, she just has to clear her quota of roaring at me once a week, to be precise. Oh no. I am not taking that. [Flashback] Matt always was allowed to pedal 3 kilometers in the evening for the local cricket county. “Bobby, you are a girl and girls don’t roam around places in the evenings. Are you out of your mind? You are not going out alone in the dark, not now, not never. End of discussion”. Oh yea. See, don’t you think that it is a clear case of favouritism to Matt.

[Again coming back to now] I am bed-ridden with something that ‘flu’ through me and she calls up after an hour from the usual time. I know that I shouldn’t expect a lot. I can see the evident changes here n there. The frequency of the calls have now come down to 2 calls and another when disaster strikes, from the usual 3 calls a day and 5 or 6 during crisis. You can understand where I am coming from on this point, right?

[Somewhere in the Recent Past] “Is that what you wear to shopping? The denim pants are so skinny and Bobby your thighs are fat for your frame”. L. I am not a fatty, believe me. Know what..!! [School days] I was fed the idea that I am a stunning female and I shouldn’t be out in attractive attires or else it will catch the attention of normal public [guys to be specific]. I had the privilege of wearing the only very pretty long skirt to high school. I was identified as the “mini skirt girl”. And it went well with those binocular lenses. Matt: the legal cum technical cum social cum what not advisor to mom for all my youthful horrors.

[Childhood memories] Yea. Having a sweetened big brother can be sweeter than a compulsory school sport of squelching a bag of lemons by yourself. Oh yea. I remember all those toffies which he ate all by himself. Not even one, hasn’t he shared. He was so fond of food that he encouraged my disgust for home-cooked food, so that he could dive into my meal plate without playing pranks on me. Mom still complains to guests about the showcase mirror that I broke and of which I have been a scapegoat. I had no choice. Or else he would have told mom, about the episode of mom’s favourite wrist watch that fell in the toilet. In life you sometimes become so hostage to the wicked goblins. And how I can I forget his best: The Red bicycle riding hood. That is where you get to ride the bicycle through your lil’ sister’s chest. I clearly doubt his defence that he didn’t see me fall down when I was being chased.

“No way you are going tuitions with this guy. I don’t think his intentions are good….” Contd… “Bobby, you cant stay on phone for that long. Are you guys trying to resolve gulf war?”… “Friends always deceive.. never trust friends..” ..contd… “Promise me that you will never fall for some guy and put your family values on the line”.. Friends deceive??? I spend more time with them than I do with family. Yea. I get hurt and we fight and we break our friendships, but we have a choice. And about guys… A girl has to end up with the right guy for a life time. So she should know how a bad relationship looks like. Shouldn’t she. These were my defences. Didn’t work well for her though.

[My Teenage mutiny] Mom’s brain waves: “I think the compound wall should be raised 2 feet higher so that passers-by don’t take the pain to sneak into our living room”. Yep. It was done in a couple of weeks’ time.

[Now] (sob sob ngheee ngheee) she should have called me on time right. I am still furious. I am not going to apologize for what I said. I am clear in my mind that I am being sidestepped by her. She understandably should have thought that, like Matt, I don’t get to enjoy her food all week long, and that I don’t get to be checked out on my temperature during the long lonely day hours. Isn’t that mean? And that…. [ti nini tini ting.. my phone rings… mom’s personalized ring tone]… Awwww… she calls again… [I answer after 3 consecutive calls]. I speak: “Yea. Was sleeping.. you know that I hate hospitals.. then again why do you have to …

 

[and the argument continues].